“O LORD GOD,
“I pray not so much for graces as for the Spirit himself,
because I feel his absence,
and act by my own spirit in everything.
Give me not weak desires but the power of his presence,
for this is the surest way to have all his graces,
and when I have the seal I have the impression also;
He can heal, help, quicken, humble suddenly and easily,
can work grace and life effectually,
and being eternal he can give grace eternally.
“Save me from great hindrances,
from being content with a little measure of the Spirit,
from thinking thou wilt not give me more.
When I feel my lack of him, light up life and faith,
for when I lose thee I am either in the dark
and cannot see thee,
or Satan and my natural abilities content me
with a little light,
so that I seek no further for the spirit of life.
“Teach me then what to do.
Should I merely humble myself and not stir up my heart?
Should I meditate and use all means to bring him near,
not being contented by one means,
but trust him to give me a blessing by the use of all,
depending only upon, and waiting always for,
thy light, by use of means?
“Is it a duty or an error to pray
and look for the fullness of the Spirit in me?
Am I mistaken in feeling I am empty of the Spirit
because I do not sense his presence within,
when all the time I am most empty
and could be more full by faith in Christ?
Was the fullness of the Spirit in the apostles chiefly a power,
giving the subsistence outside themselves in Christ,
in whom was their life and joy?
“Teach me to find and know fullness of the spirit
only in Jesus.”